snowdusk

Friday, January 28, 2005

 
snow, snow, and more snow... it's soooo coooold!

it's been really cold in toronto recently... it must have been -30+ C right now with the windchill! my hands, face and feet froze just walking from my class to the subway station!

snow is still beautiful though. i really appreciate its beauty... as long as they don't turn into annoying mud anyway.

i took a photo of the snow on the ground as i was walking towards class yesterday.. yes, that huge building is where i take one of my classes, Astronomy, which probably has 1000 students registered! that's the largest class i've ever had in my whole entire university life. i need the course as a science elective. this same building will be the place where i will be receiving my most coveted university diploma in spring of this year. i can't wait.

gifts!!!

oh and i received a huge gift box from my very very good friend K from Japan!!!! I had to pick it up from the courier's depot very far away from where i live as they tried to deliver it to my apartment but i wasn't always home... but the trip was well worth it!

... and when i opened it, guess what, GLOOMY BEAR!!!!... oh it put a huge smile on my face!!! i've been wanting to have this but this is way tooooo expensive in toronto, plus, you'll only get a size half of this one!... and, this one is special because it is a standable, posable, bendable Gloomy Bear, in army fatigue style! she also sent me a video she taped for me - FNS 歌謡際 2004!! I love this show.. she also sent me Anzen Chitai 安全地帯 and Best 1984 Japanese Pop collection 青春歌年鑑８４... i am so happy! Kちゃん、ありがとうございました！僕はとてもうれしいよ〜！ thank you so much, K!!!

Once upon a time, there was a beautiful dog named Belle...

... on a sad note, her dog Belle passed away... she was the nicest, cutest, funniest, and most beautiful dog i've ever seen... she was a very special part of her family and i can't imagine the sadness she and her family are going through right now. they will miss her for sure, and so will i... she was only four years old.

Belle is in dog-heaven now. She's no longer in pain... she will live there happily ever after...
1:45 PM

Wednesday, January 26, 2005

 
So I went to the funeral service today for my friend Y. The service was in a Pentecostal church. The church was packed. This is how you know how great a lady she was. She had lots of friends, good friends. She had touched a lot of people's hearts, including mine.

I cried in the church before the service. I was so sad. I was the most obvious person crying in my group -- people who Y worked with. Indeed, deep inside, I am still a child.

I've never been in a Protestant service... that was my first. I was impressed how they worshipped Christ. They did it by singing hymns, by raising their hands, swaying them in the air, clapping, even dancing. They hymns were beautiful. I sang too. There was only one sang I was familiar with: "Amazing Grace". It was such a beatiful song. We sang happy songs as well as sad songs. There was a touch of humour during the pastors' speeches. They were very uplifting.

It was a great service until this one pastor at the last part of the service came up and talked. He mentioned stuff about how only Christians who believe in Jesus will go to heaven and that Moslems and Hindus will not, until they believe in Christ. He was full of shit. What he said was completely inappropriate for a funeral service attended by Y's friends, from different religious beliefs. I believe that each and every one of us have their own ways of worshipping our own Gods. We even worship God just by simply being nice to others. For me, God exists as an emanation of kindness to others -- somebody who makes sure that we live a good life and that we do good things to others. I believe that all religions whose beliefs promote this universal kindness is a good religion, with a good god. Anyway, the other pastors were great. Her husband is also a pastor of that church. I was touched by his speech.

She was such a very nice lady, very kind, simple-hearted and caring. I learned a lot more about her during the service, during the speeches. She was a quiet woman and so she did not talk much about personal things. I found out she was a teacher at the Sunday school of the same church... and yet she never ever mentioned it to me, and I'm sure to most of us who worked with her.

I'm grieving for her as if she was family to me. I will really miss her very much. She is in a happy place now.
11:39 AM

Tuesday, January 25, 2005

 
I went for my co-worker's viewing at the funeral home tonight. I cried once again when I saw her. She looked like she was just sleeping. She was beautiful. She was wearing make up, her hair was curled and she was wearing her eyeglasses.

I'm so sad.

I'm going to her funeral tomorrow.

The sadness and the school stress brought me headache. I have a terrible headache right now.
12:08 PM

Saturday, January 22, 2005

 
a very difficult week

This week has been the most difficult week for me.

The night before my birthday, I was in the university library until 1:30 AM preparing for my presentation.

My birthday came, I ended up staying home trying to finish the stuff I was doing the night before. I was stressed out and very hungry. I had not time to eat lunch. I also skipped two of my classes and missed two quizzes. One of them was my Japanese class. I have never ever skipped any of my Japanese classes since first year.

Wednesday though was great. My group did a great presentation for that Japanese course so my labour was really worth it.

Thursday, I worked, and received a very sad news... one of my co-worker, a friend, and a work-mommy, passed away. I was shocked and devastated. I cried a lot after hearing the news. I had been working with her since I started in this new department... it's been 4 years. Everytime I look at her desk, I could not help not to shed a tear. I will miss her dearly.

That same night, I decided to ４月なあい人な終いん. We talked. しゃ respected my decision.

Friday, today, the department was still in grief. The company called in a grief counsellor to do a group counselling for everyone in the department. Being a big crybaby as I am, I cried during the group sessions even before starting to share my memories with the departed one. I was so embarrassed . I really didn't want my co-workers see my cry. Most of them cried.

I should really be happy for her... She does not suffer anymore... As one of my co-workers said, "She is now with her Lord."
12:14 PM

Tuesday, January 18, 2005

 
I got home at 1:45 AM last night from the library. I didn't finish my work. So I woke up at 6:30 AM to continue doing it.

It's so cold outside. It's -22 Celsius but it feels like -34 Celsius due to the windchill effect. It's always awfully cold on my birthday.
8:42 PM

 
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!

I didn't realize I just turned one year older. My friend sent me a text message to greet me and that's how I found out. I've been too busy preparing for my Japanese presentation. So sad, I'm celebrating my birthday in the university library, at 12:15 AM!!!
3:17 PM

Sunday, January 16, 2005

 
This new member of the iPod family - the iPod Shuffle - is pretty amazing and the price is very reasonable. It is so tiny and very fashionable but be careful, do not eat it:

.
images taken from the iPod Shuffle site

I broke my camera yesterday. My sister won 2nd prize in a singing contest. She should have been the 1st prize.
11:12 PM

Friday, January 14, 2005

 
i found out my little brother sent me a really late christmas e-card and it really put a big smile on my face! ^ __ ^

1:25 PM

Thursday, January 13, 2005

 
I just found out from my brother that one of the guys we knew from high school went back to the Philippines and then committed suicide. I was very shocked when he told me. His ashes were brought back to Canada. He had a twin sister who also went to the same school.
1:14 PM

 
I just added a new section onto my site: my iTunes recently played song list. I will update this weekly.
10:05 AM

Wednesday, January 12, 2005

 
Apple did it again!! The new MacMini!

This is I guess the most amazing Mac I've ever seen, ever!!! The MacMini which just came out a few days ago... amazing!!! It's so tiny and yet powerful and not too expensive at all for a very stylish, compact Mac ever! Of course, you would need to buy your own monitor, keyboard and mouse but still! I want one!

image taken from the Apple MacMini site
3:51 PM

Tuesday, January 11, 2005

 
I finally upgraded my Mac!! I just added 256 MB more of RAM and installed Panther! It's about time! I noticed a huge difference with the speed! I am so excited!

... at the same time, my pocket hurts... a lot!
8:40 AM

Sunday, January 09, 2005

 
cruel good-bye

... I left without giving a kiss or hug... and I didn't even realize it until I hopped into the elevator. I'm disappointed. I think I'm only eronaraki sa kia. Could that be my good-bye?

... it's a cruel world we're living in... I am the world.
12:51 PM

 
Lucky

I don't know where my undeclared "relationship" is going... I always get thrilled in the beginning and then eventually fades... it's always been like this for me and no wonder I'm always single. I've been reallly trying hard to keep it going but I've been noticing my feeling さきゃ drains down little by little like one of those old grain clocks... you know what I'm trying to say.

... I saw あくならちなあい人な photo on さきゃな site a few minutes ago. I realized that I'm still very much nafuka-ai-ai sa kia. Actually, sia tini-tini to be more attractive these days... this just makes my dilemma above even worse.

I've been thinking whether eu le incontrer in Puruarau or not, ie. if I ever pass the JET program. It would be quite awkward since I'm getting this feeling na sia yaho osafu sakin... I had a dream a few days ago that I was in Japan and that I had Lucky, the stuffed toy na sia nabigahi saki, in my arms... I was in dilemma... I couldn't decide whether aku fonia sakia at bigahi hitona Lucky back in person or send it through mail. I was beside a fountain in a big square somewhere in Nagasaki... It looked like Europe! There were so many European-style buildings! I thought I was in Europe until I heard voices in Japanese in the background. There were so many pigeons! I had a cellphone.... funny because the cellphone is my friend K's cellphone who lives in Tokyo! I was about aku tawaru sia. I tried to sleep again to see if I could continue the dream. It's funny because I knew it was just a dream! I think I just saw the future in my dreams.

One of my good, old-time friend just left for Japan yesterday to teach English. He doesn't know a word of Japanese except "iku" and "yamete"... well he managed to learn the basic greetings expression. I've known him for so long. Actually, he's been one of my first gay friends. Knowing that he's in Japan gives me more encouragement to pursue my dream to go to Japan. Oh, I passed the first screening for the JET program by the way so I'm off for an interview in mid-February. Good luck to me! ^ __ ^
7:08 AM

Monday, January 03, 2005

 
I am indeed a big drama queen.
1:51 PM

 
やっぱり。。。 I'm getting turned off by him...little by little.
8:21 AM

 
New background music: 蝴蝶 (Kochou) by 女子十二楽坊 (Joshijuunirakubou). They are my favourite Chinese musical group. They use traditional Chinese musical instruments to play modern tunes. The girls are so pretty!

image taken from their Japanese official site
3:23 AM

 
明けましておめでとうございます！　新年快楽！ Manigong Bagong Taon! Happy New Year!

Another year, I get a year older.... > ___ <

In just a few weeks, I will be leaving my 20s.

I spent my New Year's Eve with my close friends. We went to Red Lobster for dinner. That was my first time. That restaurant did not really appeal to me before so I really did not bother trying it until that day. It was not bad.

I organized a birthday dinner for my good friend M who just turned 20. We went to my favourite Greek restaurant Kalyvia

There was one girl from school, E, who is also our friend. Kami nasabi kania totohonan. She thought we were all joking at first.

The birthday guy brought me my favourite gum from Japan, KissMint. I cannot find this anywhere in Toronto. Not only it tastes good but it also leaves a very nice scent in my bag.

Now I have to do some serious studying. I have five books to read, in Japanese! I have to submit a report by Tuesday. I am so dead.
12:40 AM

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