Wednesday, April 27, 2005
Is tonight another sleepless night? I can't sleep, again! I guess my body is trying to adjust. During school, my brain was always tired and so I could sleep easily... but now, my brain is hardly working, idle...
I got rid of many unnecessary things from my apartment. I was quite surprised there wasn't that many. I hope it's going to be an easy move.
While cleaning my stuff, I found an old diary... it's a very tiny black notebook. Then I remembered I used to call it my black book. I wrote it in the summer of 2002. It was so 懐かしい。。。
I was lying in bed trying to send some telepathic messages to a friend. あなた、またぼくを電話して。。。あなたさみしいよ。。。ぼくは自分の感じ分かんない。。。どうしてかな。。。
... the pill is starting to do its magic. I should be zzzz-ing soon.
1:29 PM
Wow! I just realized that I have accepted the JET position yesterday! I mailed the acceptance yesterday but I wasn't thinking too much about it. Usually I am very dramatic when it comes to this but my mind was too busy with other things that day. I have accepted it! That's it, I'm going to Japan, no more pulling back out!
Geez... I have been smoking a lot lately.
9:24 AM
Tuesday, April 26, 2005
I can't sleep. I tried to sleep earlier tonight for a change so I won't be tired and sleepy at work tomorrow. So many things have been lingering in my mind recently such as: the move back to the suburbs which I'm not very happy about, I really like living downtown; second, I'm worried about what it's going to be like living in Japan; third, I will miss a very dear friend who will be leaving for another town in a few days; fourth, kesi totohona laki aku mai sokikokoro demo di makua sia.... d'oh; fifth, I'm really getting annoyed at my ex who has been ignoring me so obviously... never replied to my e-mail (it's been more than 3 months I think), sia logged in sa MSN tafu log out kabirina OR maybe just blocked me... I left a message sa kania na BBS demo di sia nasagu... it's just getting annoying... hold on, why am I making myself suffer like this? Kun yau sia osafu saku then di fua, so be it! I don't need this right now... it's not like I'm desperate sa nia friendship... OK, I may have hurt sa kia na nakafusunan, but common, it's been two years! Well, I guess sia moved on so, akurini... I was just trying to be nice, that's all; sixth, my diet is getting out of hand.
Now, I will try to go to bed again.
2:53 PM
I really have nothing to say right now... so I leave you this:
Thursday, April 21, 2005
This is it. I took the last, perhaps the very last, final exam ever at university, unless I come back in 2 years to upgrade if I still feel like doing it.
I'm all done. I cannot believe it! I will miss student life for sure.
Now I kind of regret what I said in my blog yesterday. I don't think he liked what I said. I will keep my mouth shut from now on.
Now, I have to get busy organizing for the big move.
じゃんね。。。
2:06 PM
Wednesday, April 20, 2005
I survived two final exams today! One more to go tomorrow and that's it, I'm all done with school, well for now anyway. Right after the exam today, I took an hour break, had my Tim Horton's coffee and maple pecan danish, my favourite. I went back to the university library and studied more for my final exam tomorrow. After a couple of hours, I texted a friend and went for coffee and chatted and went home.
I'm really liking somebody right now but there is an issue and that is me going to Japan and so I could not really pursue a relationship with this person and moshi siadirini... but I really want to rami na time samasamasia. We gave each other a hug when we parted last night. The hug was haunting. It was an unforgettable hug and I wanted more of it.
Now, back to my studies.
1:06 PM
Monday, April 18, 2005
I can't study. There are so many things in my mind right now - worried, stressed out, sadness, missing friends, etc... add to this, jokes that are not funny anymore, and misinterpretations that are getting annoying. What to do, what to do?!
7:56 AM
Sunday, April 17, 2005
i got 2 free tickets to see maroon 5 in concert in toronto and they were very good seats. they call it 'platinum', almost like a vip. my friend gave them to me the same night they were on as he could not go that night. i don't even know this group, only heard the name. so i dragged a friend who had no clue who they were either and so we watched them. not my type of music at all. we pretended we liked them blah blah blah. i didn't want to waste the tix so i accepted them and my friend was really desperate to find people to use them.
it was my mom's birthday so i went to the suburbs and we had chinese food, cake and ice cream.
i have been studying for my finals... well, not hard enough. i got distracted a lot. i am trying my best to focus.
i wonder kun sia soki sakin. maybe not. sia soki sa ibanaraki. oh well.
i have to focus on my studies!
2:59 PM
Tuesday, April 12, 2005
I had to put down one of my fish today. Her name was Calixta. She was a black angel fish. She was the longest resident of my fish tank. I got her sometime in June last year. She has grown really big but unfortunately, for some reason, she stopped swimming. She had been lying flat on the sand, but she would sometime swim up, like gasping, to get food, but sometimes she couldn't even get food. There was absolutely nothing wrong with her external appearance - no virus, no fungi, no rotting skin, fins nor tail. I left her as is for about 2 weeks hoping that there was some water quality problem. I was hoping that perhaps one day she would feel better and be normal again. I did a major water change and cleaning hoping that that save her. One pet shop staff told me she was probably just lazy. Last night, I did a research on the internet to find out approved procedures of euthanasia for fish and I found one that was Canadian-approved: placing a tropical fish into a water with ice at a temperature of 4 degrees Celsius, without letting the fish touch the ice. And so today, I decided to end her sufferings.
I could not help being emotional to see Calixta go. My fish tank will never be the same again without her.
photo of Calixta taken in Nov. 2004
10:00 AM
Saturday, April 09, 2005
OK... I gotta catch up. I got gifts from my two Japanese teachers in the last day of class on Tuesday and Wednesday. Actually, everyone received the same gifts. How thoughtful of them! K先生 gave each of us a boat origami that you can switch stuff and still get the original shape. K先生 told us that it means that if one side does not work for you, try the other... something to that effect... and then inside, she wrote a two-Chinese-character-word in Japanese that describes each of us. On mine, she wrote 純粋 meaning "pure", "genuine", "real". O _ O Then she went on saying: 「あなたのように素直で、まっすぐで、優しくて、純粋な人は見たことがありません。ふと。。。疲れないのかなと心配になります。日本の社会でつぶされないようにね。」... I will always remember these words to remind me to be strong once I'm in Japan. She's been so nice to me all the time. I will miss her.
I先生 on the other hand gave each of us a really nice soap she handmade, a card and two pastries she baked neatly and beautifully wrapped in a plastic bag. She is such a cool and very kind teacher too.
As I was walking home, I passed by one of these cheesey (for me anyway) obento stores and the 30% off caught my attention. These stores usually discount their sushi and sashimi obento to get rid of them for the day, which is great I think. They really should not keep them overnight and sell them the next day. And so I bought one, $3.73!! Cool! I came home and I thought, hmmm maybe I should have Japanese style meal and so I neatly arranged my meal, brewed genmaicha tea, prepared shoyu, lit a candle... with much excitement, I picked up the first maki, dipped it on my shoyu, then put in my mouth... lo and behold, it tasted awful... the others were the same... Well, they were edible and manageable. Well, for the price I really should not complain. Ha ha.
Friday, April 08, 2005
I just received a letter this afternoon from the the Consulate of Japan. I passed the 2nd stage of the screening process. Now I know that there is 90% chance that I will be accepted in the JET Programme. The weird thing was I was not very excited when I got the letter, either because I was so stressed out for my Chinese oral exam that day or just because I was suffering from emotional depravity at that time, also because of the stress... I actually called in sick today because I was absolutely not feeling well when I got up the morning. I had this terrible headache and my head was really spinning. I was so weak as well. I have been working on essays, projects, presentations, exams in the past few days - not enough sleep, poor diet, and stress, you name it... I think my body gave up today. Just before my Chinese oral exam at night, the same nauseous symptoms came up again and I thought I was really going to faint on two occasions. I went to the university clinic but it was closed. I got myself Advil instead. I felt a bit better after but my headache came back after the test. I went to the petshop and got myself a bunch of new fish and plants for my fish tank. I'm so happy.
There was also a miracle that happened to me yesterday... God really never abandons me in my times of need. Also, although highly unlikely, I really want to attribute this miracle to the devotion I poured into somebody very dear to me who just recently passed away. "Thank you so much."
12:28 PM
Sunday, April 03, 2005
He is irreplaceable.
10:25 AM
Friday, April 01, 2005
I'm so exhausted! I crammed an assignment for my astronomy class due today at 5 pm. I managed to finish it. I only started doing it last night -- so typical of me.7:42 AM
