saturday, may 18, 2002
yay! i got my final marks for this year and i'm very pleased! ^_^ argh, that's all i can say. bye.
1:49 PM
tuesday, may 14, 2002
i think i'm madly in love with the wrong person. why does this always happen to me? :-( it's been torturing me.... hehehehe
i had fun last saturday... i went to a party organized by japanese-canadian student association... i was so drunk and i danced all night... my body is aching right now, every move... haha... i had so much fun!! i hadn't had a *real* party for a long time, it was the first since i started school last year... i'm back to my old job, for the summer at least... i don't know why, but i felt so comfortable in that place, it's a place where everyone knows me! haha.... i was like a star when i came back last thursday... i couldn't explain the feeling... i've never felt so loved before....
7:10 PM
tuesday, may 7, 2002
i spent most of the day studying at U of T's almost-fortress-like Robarts Library... it does look like a fortress... i heard it's the biggest library in canada... anyway, i stayed in my favourite part of the library - the east asian library... i think it's the most quiet part of the library... i guess asians are the quietest people in the world?? i met a japanese friend after for a coffee break... it was funny, i was teaching her how to pronounce the spanish thrilled "r"... i insisted to her that japanese can pronounce this "r"... first example that came out of my mouth was "harakiri"... i was so embarrassed but we both only laughed... thank god she wasn't offended.... it wasn't offensive in the first place anyway.... i guess i watch too much samurai movies, eh? ^_^ i'm gonna learn salsa with her maybe next week, yay! my boss from the department i used to work at called me and asked me if i can work for her this summer, and i told her yes... i'm not working this whole week because my present department has been so slow, argh... so any job for me will be greatly appreciated... i need the money!
8:18 PM
monday, may 6, 2002
one more final exam to go! i've been studying too much i already caught a cold... i'm quite worried what to do in the summer... hmmm... tim is having a blast in tokyo.... what a lucky guy, eh? ^_^
recently, i've been suffering from emotional distress due to some recent revelations regarding one person that was very close to me... i recently realized this person has been lying to me all along... he has lied to me in the past - not just once, but so many times, I suffered from it, and has forgiven him for them... i lived through these pains, and now, they have come back to haunt me... i've come to know more things that he has told me that were all lies... he's been lying all along... a compulsive liar that's what he is... he just can't stop lying! he lies just about everything to make himself feel good, to create an imaginary world where he is god, a perfect person, the most beautiful person on the planet... excuse my exaggerations, but they're true! we've talked about it in many occasions... i've never met anybody like him before... it hurts so much especially that i've treated him as a very good, in fact, a best friend... my emotions are mixed with anger, pain, loneliness, sadness, blah, i can't explain it... i have showered him with all my love, a love from me that a person i consider a true friend only deserves... and all he's given me in return is to fool me, to make me look stupid, a puppet... i was manipulated... now, it's more anger... i can't stand seeing his face or his presence... i made a promise to myself that it's all over... i've been trying to get myself rid of all his memories... i've been trying to avoid him, unfortunately, he follows me wherever i go... it's actually worse, because i just feel pity for him everytime i see him, to see him feel my rage... he has now infiltrated into my circle of good friends and i'm afraid he would fool them as he has fooled me.... i wanted to tell them but i couldn't, because they might think i'm only making up stories, and i feel bad because it would sound like i'm blackmailing him... i guess they'll realize sooner... oh god help me please! i am such a foolish person to allow myself experience these pains.... we have talked about these issues so many times, i'm tired, i am keeping my mouth shut... all i can give him is a silent treatment. good-bye...
sorry, i was so harsh with my words... i have only this blog and one true friend to tell these painful memories .... who knows, i might edit this blog entry to tone it down a bit, or remove the whole thing all together... who knows, i might forgive him *again* and forget the whole thing once again, as in the past... i admit, i'm a very forgiving person... people has told me that i'm too nice to people, even to people who are treating me wrong... now, i'm coming to realize all these... i'm so blind, i didn't realize some people are already taking advantage of me... i have never been mad like this before... yet, inspite of all these, i can still see a possibility of forgiving him after all he's done to me. There are reasons why he became such a person and they might not be his fault...
8:06 PM
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